Posted via email from jokulu
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Two pyscologists
2 pshycologists met each other in a street one day.
One said to the other, "You're good today, how am I?
Posted via email from jokulu
Give Them a Shock
Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment?
To prepare them for the bill!
Posted via email from jokulu
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Endearing names
An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The couple had been married almost 70 years and clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names'
The old man hung his head. 'I have to tell you the truth,' he said, 'Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I'm scared to death to ask her what it is!'
Posted via email from jokulu
Monday, December 28, 2009
Quality Engineer
A Quality Engineer married a difficult girl...
After 2 years of tough life with her, the Engineer got angry and sent a note to his father-in-law stating that :
"YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS".
The father-in-law replied:
"WARRANTY EXPIRED. MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE"
Posted via email from jokulu
Things to do on an elevator
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Posted via email from jokulu
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Addicted to the internet!
You might be addicted to the internet when....
You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
Posted via email from jokulu
Does Management know their Staff?
On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.
He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!"
Posted via email from jokulu
Friday, December 25, 2009
How to recruit the right person for the right job?
Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door..
Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.
If they are counting the
Bricks.
Put them in the accounts
Department.
If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing .
If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the
Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the
Bricks at each other.
Put them in operations .
If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks
Into pieces.
Put them in information
Technology.
If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried
Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has
Been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for
The day.
Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the
Window.
Put them on strategic
Planning.
And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
Other and not a single brick
Has been
Moved.
Congratulate them and put them
In top management.
Posted via email from jokulu
Where is the time to study?
It Is No Fault Of Student Becoz A Year Has Only 365 Days.
Days In A Year = 365
Sundays = 52 Days
Sundays Are Meant For Rest
Days Left = 313 Days
Summer Vacations = 60 Days
Weather Is Very Hot, So It Is Difficult To Study
Days Left = 253 Days
8 Hours Of Daily Sleep = 122 Days
Sleep Is Necessary
Days Left = 131
1 Hour Daily For Play = 15 Days
Its Good For Health
Days Left = 116 Days
2 Hours Daily For Food = 30 Days
Chew The Food Properly Don't Care For Time
Days Left = 86 Days
Examination Days In A Year = 30 Days
Giving Exams Is Necessary
Days Left = 56 Days
Winter Vocations = 25 Days
Weather Is Cold Its Difficult To Study
Days Left = 31 Days
Other Holidays = 20 Days
These Holidays Are To Enjoy
Days Left = 11 Days
Illness At least Once A Year = 8 Days
Becoz Of Illness Study Is Difficult
Days Left = 3 Days
Result Days = 3 Days
Going And Taking Result Is Necessary
Days Left =0 Days
So Tell Me Where Is The Time To Study?
Posted via email from jokulu
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Stirring Prescription
Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.
Posted via email from jokulu
Beer Bottle
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Posted via email from jokulu
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Drunkard in Trial
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have A scotch and soda."
Posted via email from jokulu
Praying for a bike!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.
Posted via email from jokulu
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Three Blondes
Three blondes are celebrating their success in a pub.
The bartender asks them: "Girls, what's the reason for the celebration?"
One of the blondes responds: "Well, we just finished this puzzle and it took us only a month, while the box indicated: 3 to 6 years!"
Posted via email from jokulu
Office Maths
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Posted via email from jokulu
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Half Empty Glass
"An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be"
Posted via email from jokulu
"Beware of the young doctor and the old barber."
Short and funny quote by, Benjamin Franklin.
Posted via email from jokulu
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The Lemon Tree Song...
Lemon Tree by Fool's Garden (3487 KB)
Listen on posterous
Gets u in the lighter mood.
Posted via email from jokulu
Monday, December 14, 2009
Classic Oxymoron
Question: What is the biggest oxymoron of the 1990's?
Answer: Microsoft Works!
Posted via email from jokulu
Santa's Entrance
If your child asks how Santa Claus gets into the house, just tell him he comes in through a large hole in daddy's wallet.
Posted via email from jokulu
Message from the founder » Ramesh Koneru
Just launched Jokulu.com
Just launched jokulu.com, a fun website to read and share jokes. You can subscribe to the RSS, follow on Twitter, or become a fan on Facebook.
I will try and update the website whenever I can, but those interested in contributing can let me know.
Hav fun!
via rameshkoneru.com
PS: Posts appearing earlier to this launch message - have been imported from jokulu.blogspot, the original place where it started, and will hence be dated 2005 onwards.
Posted via web from jokulu
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Everything's Amazing & Nobody's Happy! - Ramesh Koneru
Hilarious take on Life!
Posted via web from jokulu
Saturday, December 12, 2009
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Posted via email from jokulu
Everything Gone!
A man was complaining to a friend:
"I had it all; money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"My wife found out..."
Posted via email from jokulu
Friday, December 11, 2009
Cost to Get Married?
The little boy asked his dad one evening, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"I don't know, son," he said. "I'm still paying for it."
Posted via email from jokulu
Criminal Mastermind
An applicant was filling out a job application.
When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Posted via email from jokulu
Why do women live longer than men?
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
Posted via email from jokulu
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!
Posted via email from jokulu
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.
Posted via email from jokulu
Men are like computers...
Men are like computers: Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Posted via email from jokulu
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
Posted via email from jokulu
Meeting after a long time...
Two beggars meet after a long time.
Two s/w engineers meet after a long time as well.
Just imagine what question did they ask each other?
Which platform are you working on?
Posted via email from jokulu
why are you late for school today?
Teacher: Ramya and Shilpa, why are you late for school today?
Shilpa: Ma'm, I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teacher: Ramya, what about you?
Ramya: Ma'm, I was not able to move because I was hiding that coin under my feet.
Posted via email from jokulu
Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
Posted via email from jokulu
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